In my weakness, He is strong

I am frazzled. I have been looking after one additional, if different, child every day this week. Sometimes more because neighbourhood friends want to play too. I so want to be able to host my children's friends, but sometimes I just want to be alone. One more child in the mix, making three, is a conflict in the making. So after 4 days of this, I am wanting my spring break. However, I am grateful for the grace I am receiving. Because I have been fasting simultaneously I am remembering more frequently that, "in my weakness, He is strong". This has kept me. Spirit has kept me gentle and firm as I remember this truth and I am thankful that He helps me along this path. Just to be aware makes all the difference in the world.

Moments

My eyes drift. I want them to be fixed upon what Holy Spirit is doing, but they drift. It is very easy to seek and follow Spirit for the life-changing decisions in life. It is quite another to have that moment by moment awareness that I need for the basic demands of one day. I simply don't remember to ask "What's next Spirit?"; to turn my attention to Him, I just move on to the next thing that requires my attention. Awareness. Obedience. Peace. This is for me. Help me move forward Spirit.

Difficult + Silly = Delightful

This past weekend was chock full of worship at our Prayer Summit. For me, this meant lots of dancing, singing, and some painting while in His presence. The weekend was full of delight, especially one session in particular, where Father was speaking through the lips of those around me. My attention was centered on preparing paint and canvas for my daughter while intercession was going on. Our resident artist saw me at the paint and recommended that I try to paint the sound of strumming on the guitar. That sounded difficult, but I decided I would heed the voice. As I began to paint, the music and worship increased in intensity; another person came to me and told me that I was supposed to do a pirouette. That wasn’t as difficult, it was just silly. But I followed the voice and did one, which turned into another and soon I was dancing with my paintbrush; attending to the painting between movements. I was a child again and it was delight-full: It gave me great pleasure and as I heard later, afforded others some of the same. I’m glad I chose difficult and silly, Father and I had fun together.

Too Many Words

I couldn’t do it. The children were watching what was supposed to be 30 minutes of video time. I was being very gracious since they had already used up their screen time. I had told them to turn it off at 3:30 since they were watching a portion of a full length movie. While keeping busy in the kitchen I looked at the time, and it was well past. What I heard from the Spirit, quite strongly, was to let them watch it, and stop being so concerned and controlling, be full of grace. So... I walked into the living room and asked them what time it was. There was the usual response of, “Can we just finish.....”. Well, conversation ensued, passion rose, and it all went bad. Screen time finished with my frustration, and now the evening will be more complicated. So much for grace. I didn’t follow instructions; instead of letting them watch uninterrupted, I chose to talk about it. Perhaps I was trying to make them thankful in advance, or trying to teach a lesson on time management. Instead, I have taught myself a lesson, and that is just as valuable: if the Spirit has not given me words to speak, don’t speak.

A Delicate Place.

I have entered into a time of meditation and intercession that is substantially more than I am used to. The reason is simple; I need his viewpoint and direction more than ever. I am leading a class for teenagers and attempting to create a space where we experience the Holy Spirit together. How does one do that? All I can come up with is to spend time with Him myself, in worship and meditation,  listening as well as I am able. Then I note it down and try to make it happen. This is a delicate place and a learning place. One morning, a few weeks ago, I felt strongly urged to create a blog about my personal attempts to follow the Holy Spirit. I put it off. As a lifetime journaler, I have thought about blogging before because I enjoy the process of writing, of refining my thoughts, ideas and emotions and making them more clear to myself. Ultimately, I always chose not to blog because the time required to process those thoughts  for others would make me less available to my family. Why would Father ask me to do this? I remain ignorant of the answer yet. I can imagine it being an awareness experience for me, for further growth in this area. It could be for the teenagers, so that they might have some concrete examples of what following looks like. It could also be for someone or some people I am not aware of. I may never know, but I am being obedient once more. I hope my words bless someone, somehow, somewhere.

Blowing a Budget.

The church collects food items for the neighbourhood each week, listing wanted items in the bulletin. Enfamil A+ formula has been on my mind all week and I was sure it was just a small item to add to my cost. I found the big can first and somehow looking for a smaller can never crossed my mind, because my first thought was: ”$30!, no way, I can’t buy that. We are on a strict budget and that ... is too much!" I put it back on the shelf. Reflection on the issue reminded me that I had remembered the item, despite forgetting my grocery list. I guess that would be the Spirit again. I put the big can in the cart. I had a few thoughts about my husband, and would he understand, but that was the enemy. His smile when I told him about my dilemma was sweet and accepting. Thank you Jesus.

Dependent on Inspiration.

My son Ashti is a passionate fighter, not unlike the Kurdish people we lived among and from whence his name came. When he senses the tiniest bit of injustice done to him, he blows up in a rage. Someday he will have enough self-control that this character trait will give him strength to fight things worth fighting. Last night, however, the explosion was over my refusal to let him take a Playmobil catalogue to peruse before bedtime. I felt my reason was sound: I prefer to focus on eternal things at bedtime, not material things. He exploded. It landed him on the couch it was such a blast. This meant I had the time to reflect before I responded, which is less common than I would like to have it. The Spirit’s answer was in my head immediately, a simple question is all it was (He won’t give me permission to share it). It was an amazing response! He picked himself off the couch, stopped yelling, answered the question, and then quietly expressed his complete disapproval of my answer.... but received the same answer. I was proud of him, and I am thankful for inspiration. The same question worked quite well again this morning, but experience leads me to expect that I will again be asking for ‘new’ inspiration soon. Father likes me dependent.